中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改

　　中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改（二）  原文修改如下：

　　Dear Peter,

　�。ǖ谝欢危禾岢鲆�求。1-2句）

　　I am writing to ask whether you are able to do favor.

　　（“讓某人幫忙”可以表達成do sb. a favor. 可以改成：I am writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.）

　�。ǖ诙�段：說明理由。5-7句）

　　I want to get a good pen friend. I would like you introduce a penfriend to me. (請求的內容要簡潔明了，可以合并成一句話：I would like you to introduce a good pen pal to me.) First of all, She must be a girl in her early years. （沒有說明原因，為什么找一個和我年齡相仿的筆友�？梢愿某桑篎irst of all, she must be a girl about my own age, who can communicate with me better than anyone else.）My hobby is traveling and playing badminton. For our communication, I hope she likes the things as I like. And I also like small pet. (這三句話表示希望筆友能有和我一樣的愛好，但是是寫的太零散了，邏輯性不強，最好用復合句來替換多個簡單句�？梢愿某桑篎urthermore，she is supposed to have the same hobbies as mine, such as traveling, playing badminton, and raising small pets. 在表達時，注意先總后分，先說希望她擁有和我一樣的愛好，再說這些愛好具體是什么。千萬不要倒置次序。)

　�。ǖ谌�段：重申要求。1-2句）

　　If you can help me finding an English penfiaend. that’s the best. (最好用這個句型：I would appreciate it very much if …, “如果……, 我將感激不盡�！笨梢愿某桑篒 would appreciate it very much if you can help me find an English pen friend.) I can write to her to know her culture and improve my English Maybe in holiday. I can go to her country for a travel. (這句話不應該出現在這里，把它作為我找筆友的第三條要求, 放到第二段的末尾，就顯的更合理一些。“了解”應該表達成：know about。整個句子可以改成：Finally，she is expected to be an English native speaker so that I can write to her to know about her culture and improve my English.)

　　I’ m looking forwards to your news. （很好！結語寒暄。）

　　Sincerely

　　Yours，

　　點評：

　　這篇文章總體寫的不錯！結構，內容沒有問題。語言的組織力度不夠強，第二段的邏輯層次有點亂。繼續加油！作文上需要投入點時間和精力。劉曉偉的主頁 | 查看全部日志

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