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英語閱讀：如何維系永恒的婚姻
Challenges to a Lasting Relationship
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that falling in love is love or at least one of the manifestations of love." -- M. SCOTT PECK
People who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the last thirty years? And why are fewer people getting married today than ever before?
The answers to these questions are plentiful, but the main reason is simple. Its easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know how to stay in love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest" choice all the way around! Recent studies on marriage prove its one of the major ingredients in life-long success for men and women. "
It lengthens life, substantially boosts physical and emotional health, and raises income over that of single or divorced people or those who live together," reported an article in the New York Times. Marriage has also been found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of depression, and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
So lets wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of the most startling pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with whats really going on in their partnerships is the fact that the majority of people who file for divorce say they didnt think there was a relationship-threatening problem just six months prior to breaking up. Another shocker is that most couples wait six years or more to seek professional help when their relationship is in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee, its often too late.
Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ? whether youre dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up this same predicament again, you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work, because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages.
Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you cant run away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the troubled times and power struggles.
To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict. More relationships break up because people dont know how to validate each other (that frustration escalates to become anger) than for any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.
One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that were trying to heal.
While it may seem like were from different planets we are actually very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We only behave differently in our quests for closeness. Stop doing what you think is "fair" or "right" and start doing what works! Its not about "working harder" its about "working smarter".
翻譯：
持久關(guān)系的挑戰(zhàn)
邦妮·艾克·威爾博士
“在所有關(guān)于愛的誤解中，最強(qiáng)大、最普遍的是認(rèn)為墜入愛河就是愛，或者至少是愛的一種表現(xiàn)形式。”——斯科特·派克先生
已婚或有固定關(guān)系的人更健康、更富有、更快樂。那么，為什么超過60%的婚姻以離婚告終呢?為什么全國的離婚率在過去的30年里攀升了200%以上?為什么現(xiàn)在結(jié)婚的人比以前少了?
這些問題的答案很多，但主要原因很簡單。“陷入”愛情很容易，但很少有人知道如何保持愛情。盡管一直保持愛情是我們“最明智”的選擇!最近對婚姻的研究表明，婚姻是男女終身成功的主要因素之一。”
《紐約時報》的一篇文章報道說:“與單身、離婚或同居的人相比，它能延長壽命，極大地促進(jìn)身心健康，提高收入。”研究還發(fā)現(xiàn)，婚姻能提高幸福感，減少抑郁程度，并能預(yù)防性傳播疾病。
所以，讓我們醒來，彌補(bǔ)，扭轉(zhuǎn)這一趨勢!最令人吃驚的證據(jù)之一是，大多數(shù)提出離婚的人表示，在分手前六個月，他們并不認(rèn)為存在威脅關(guān)系的問題。這一事實表明，人們并不了解他們的伴侶關(guān)系到底發(fā)生了什么。另一個令人震驚的是，大多數(shù)夫妻在他們的關(guān)系陷入危險時，會等上六年或更長時間才尋求專業(yè)幫助。等到他們真的醒過來，聞到咖啡味的時候，往往已經(jīng)太晚了。
真的沒有理由屈從于一段糟糕的關(guān)系嗎?不管你是在約會還是結(jié)婚。你可以學(xué)著和你已經(jīng)擁有的伴侶擁有一段美妙的關(guān)系，而不是換一個伴侶，然后再次陷入同樣的困境。我強(qiáng)烈建議你們好好經(jīng)營你們的關(guān)系，因為二次婚姻中離婚率和通奸率更高。
擺脫你的伴侶并不能解決問題，因為一半的“問題”是你的。你可以離開你的婚姻，但你不能逃離你自己，無論你多么努力!夫妻們可以學(xué)習(xí)如何作為一個團(tuán)隊合作，并在困難時期和權(quán)力斗爭中相互指導(dǎo)，而不是互相指責(zé)。
要做到這一點，你必須建立一個“安全”的關(guān)系，這樣你才能表達(dá)你的需求和恐懼，有效地解決憤怒和沖突。更多的關(guān)系破裂是因為人們不知道如何相互認(rèn)可(沮喪升級為憤怒)，而不是其他原因。這真的很遺憾，因為“公平戰(zhàn)斗”的技巧很容易掌握，只需要一點練習(xí)和耐心。
人與人之間無法解決的憤怒的最大原因之一是缺乏理解。男人和女人有不同的優(yōu)點和缺點，表達(dá)自己的方式不同，我們試圖治愈的“童年創(chuàng)傷”也不同。
雖然我們看起來像是來自不同的星球，但實際上，當(dāng)涉及到我們對愛和親密的需求和渴望時，我們非常相似。我們只是在追求親密時表現(xiàn)不同。停止做你認(rèn)為“公平”或“正確”的事情，開始做有用的事情!這不是關(guān)于“更努力地工作”，而是關(guān)于“更聰明地工作”。
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