多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)雅思大作文點(diǎn)評(píng)
Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Multi-cultural(這是形容詞,怎么作主語(yǔ)了?!) has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays(多余) that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged(這個(gè)句子很晦澀,as在這里是作連詞嗎?如果是的話,它應(yīng)該引導(dǎo)一個(gè)句子,那么后面只有that引導(dǎo)的同位語(yǔ)從句,卻沒有主句的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞了!!!).People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together, which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. (80words)
結(jié)構(gòu)分析:前面寫了n句話,都是在引題,但是內(nèi)容顯得有點(diǎn)啰嗦。最后一句是作者的觀點(diǎn),即主題句,寫得還行。
語(yǔ)言方面:句型是很多,錯(cuò)誤就更多了!!!大家要注意,拿高分必須要有一定量的句型,但是如果連基本的句子都寫不對(duì)就去大膽寫長(zhǎng)句的.話,結(jié)果可能更慘!!!此段,雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型,可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好,基本上都有錯(cuò),這就使得,現(xiàn)在這篇文章最高的起評(píng)分只有5分!!!得不償失啊!!!
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