多文化社會(huì)的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)雅思大作文點(diǎn)評(píng)
Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Multi-cultural（這是形容詞，怎么作主語(yǔ)了？！） has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays（多余） that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged（這個(gè)句子很晦澀，as在這里是作連詞嗎？如果是的話，它應(yīng)該引導(dǎo)一個(gè)句子，那么后面只有that引導(dǎo)的同位語(yǔ)從句，卻沒有主句的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞了！！！）.People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together, which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. （80words）
結(jié)構(gòu)分析：前面寫了n句話，都是在引題，但是內(nèi)容顯得有點(diǎn)啰嗦。最后一句是作者的觀點(diǎn)，即主題句，寫得還行。
語(yǔ)言方面：句型是很多，錯(cuò)誤就更多了！！！大家要注意，拿高分必須要有一定量的句型，但是如果連基本的句子都寫不對(duì)就去大膽寫長(zhǎng)句的.話，結(jié)果可能更慘！！！此段，雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型，可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好，基本上都有錯(cuò)，這就使得，現(xiàn)在這篇文章最高的起評(píng)分只有5分！！！得不償失啊！！！
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