多文化社會的優缺點雅思大作文點評
Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Multi-cultural（這是形容詞，怎么作主語了？！） has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays（多余） that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged（這個句子很晦澀，as在這里是作連詞嗎？如果是的話，它應該引導一個句子，那么后面只有that引導的同位語從句，卻沒有主句的謂語動詞了！！！）.People at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together, which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. （80words）
結構分析：前面寫了n句話，都是在引題，但是內容顯得有點啰嗦。最后一句是作者的觀點，即主題句，寫得還行。
語言方面：句型是很多，錯誤就更多了！！！大家要注意，拿高分必須要有一定量的句型，但是如果連基本的句子都寫不對就去大膽寫長句的.話，結果可能更慘！！！此段，雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型，可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好，基本上都有錯，這就使得，現在這篇文章最高的起評分只有5分！！！得不償失啊！！！
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